I'm going to play innocent and pretend that this header is not a play on a bad bad word, and that I am not secretly spewing the correct spelling of this phrase at my useless, useless work associate. In fact, this header relates very well to the topic about which I am going to write, which is the new Twilight cookbook, Love at First Bite. So you see, it's a reference to a) the fact that this is a cookbook, which will lead to to make recipes which you can then devour with a FORK, perhaps even in conjunction with a knife... and b) the Twilight novels are set in Forks, whose singular incarnation is -- you got it, genius -- FORK.

Actually Stephenie Meyer is probably also spewing this phrase at the author of this "Unofficial Twilight Cookbook," not only because it doesn't appear to be a licensed offshoot of the brand (I could be wrong, I mean, you can't exactly produce that cover without having to solve a few copyright issues) but also because this cookbook writer is totally capitalizing on Meyer's self-created brand, and the cookbook writer's name is Gina Meyers, which is only going to serve to confuse readers if this blog post goes on too long and we start becoming unable to differentiate from Meyer and Meyers. I mean, Stephenie didn't even like spelling her first name with an "a" like everyone else, for crying out loud. Then again, maybe the royalties will be enough to quell any distaste.

But speaking of distaste, onto the book itself. It's a guide for anyone who's Twilight-obsessed to making dishes for the perfect vampiric occasion. And the key to enjoying the tome, it appears, is to have low expectations. Read on for the best of the Amazon reviews...

"The book is sooo thin, not a single picture on it. Looks like somebody printed a Word document and aded a picture in the front. Don't waste your money..."

"Hello, I was very dissapointed ... very. I thought that this cookbook would teach me how to cook for my boyfriend, but instead it pretty much made him dump me. The reason, well, most of the reason, was because of the Team Edward Tacos. It says that they are supposed to be "glittery" and "dazzle" your guests, but it didn't tell me how it was supposed to be glittery with just ground beef and or lettuce.
First of all, Edward is a vegetarian! So, IDK why there is a beef rendition ... that would seem more like Team Jacob ... which is totally not cool with us Team Edwarders. Anyway, that is beside the point.
So, I did what it said, and put some glitter in it, and I also only put in lettuce because Edward doesn't eat beef. My boyfriend was all choking and stuff and thought I was stupid when I showed him the cook book."

"I checked this out of my local library, wondering if it was worth buying. It is not. I am a huge Twilight fan, but this book is so horrible, even I couldn't stand it. It is written so poorly, and contains so little of interest, it is hard to imagine anyone liking it. A few recipes claim to relate to the book (Mushroom Ravioli, Chicken Enchiladas, etc.), but the vast majority are completely irrelevant to the books. You could probably get better recipes by doing a google search. Plus, it is clear no one edited this book. There are tons of typos and even the quotes from the books are wrong. I would recommend that Amazon stop selling this book it is so bad."

" am embarrassed to have made such a stupid purchase. There are very few recipes, which is probably a good thing because they are just wrong--most people know that you don't boil the tortillas with the sauce for 30 minutes before making enchiladas. I'm assuming the book is not written for anyone who actually intends to use the recipes. A picture may be worth a 1000 words, but you won't find any pictures, illustrations or scribbles in this 60-odd page booklet (with usually one inacurrate or mundane receipe per page). If I had written the novels I would be furious at the blatant attempt to capitalize on my talent by selling such garbage by insinuating a relationship. This is not a book that most fans of the "Twilight" series would enjoy or even want in their home. Shame on me for not going to the library, too."